How To Properly Beat Hitman: Absolution

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I recently had the pleasure of playing Square Enix’s Hitman: Absolution, which was interesting to say the least. It had its ups and downs. Well…mostly downs. These are my five tips on how to properly complete Hitman: Absolution.

1. Forget the Stealth and Kill Them All

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Do I know you from the Academ..? Oh No!

The problem with Hitman: Absolution, is whenever Agent 47 tries to be stealthy, it immediately backfires on him and he ends up in a pool of his own blood. Somehow, wherever Agent 47 goes, his enemies always assume that they know him from the “academy” and it automatically blows his cover.

The easy solution to this obnoxious predicament is to simply shoot up the entire area and leave not a soul stirring. Sure, going guns blazing will take a little longer but in the end, the player will not have to clean up his or her mess, and will be able to move on to the next stage without fretting about being caught in the act.  Plus, every firefight ends up being an epic battle for agent 47’s life, and conquering the idiot A.I. is immensely satisfying.

2. Ignore the Score

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In Absolution, every time 47 kills a non-target enemy, 300 points are automatically deducted from the player’s score. In Mark of The Ninja, the player is rewarded for killing any enemy on the map. What the hell? Forget about the score because it is a buzz kill. Kill anybody and everybody because they are all preventing you from beating the game.

At the end of the day, your score won’t really matter because the game isn’t that good in the first place. Unless you are a hardcore Hitman fan, forget about the score and blast away. Oh wait, hardcore Hitman fans skipped this iteration.

3. Take Full Advantage of The Instinct Ability

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The instinct ability reminds me a lot of Adam Jensen’s ability to see through walls in Deus Ex: Human Revolution. My point is that instinct rocks. Use it to “sneak” past enemies who think that they know you from the “academy” and hide behind a wall for two seconds before blowing the place to hell. By sneak, I mean cover your face with a hat or your hand and walk away slowly.

Agent 47 also has the ability point shoot, which is a clear rip-off from Splinter Cell: Conviction’s point shooting mechanic. It’s still awesome to be able to pick out three or four enemies and blow all of their brains out at once. You know what they say “if you don’t use it, you lose it.”

4. Wait For the Enemy To Come To You

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Forget about walking up to enemies and killing them. No matter what you do, there will always be an enemy that barks up your tree and asks you if you are from the “academy.” Just waste them. Once you kill one, the rest will line up single-file to get shot in the head. It’s quite sad really.

Although you’ll end up with a pile of corpses, you will have the satisfaction of flawlessly clearing that section of the level. Don’t forget to kill the innocent civilians. They are loose ends, which will run away, alert more guards and lead you into more pointless violence.

5. Skip the Cut-Scenes… All of Them

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What story?

The cut-scenes are pointless and the acting is horrendous. The only good voice actor is Samuel L. Jackson, and he shouldn’t even be in the game. The story is inconvenient and has more holes than a piece of raw matzah. Skip the cut-scenes and play the game. I promise you that it will save a ton of time and reduce your stress levels by 50 percent. If you want to relieve the remaining 50 percent, either stop playing the game or follow steps one through five.

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